the heat. being this high meant being so much closer to the sun. feeling the breeze that blew, i felt a tinge of regret. did it all have to end this way? i closed my eyes. remembering all that i had done. all the failure, all the pains that i have caused. even my heart was shattered by life. what use was living on?
opening my eyes brought me back to reality. i could see far. almost free, i thought. almost. its only this world that's holding me back. looking down, past my feet. the tarred road seemed to welcome me. even the breeze, it felt stronger. pushing me to go over the edge. there was no turning back now. with one final breath, i closed my eyes and walked over.
for that one moment. i felt free. free from this world. free from what i had done. falling never brought such.. bliss. they say near death, everything you have done is repeated before your eyes. even things that you don't remember. it was true. all that i had done, kept replaying in my head. the sadness. the brokenness. even happy moments. i heard voices in my head, telling me how i would not be able to continue doing what i wanted. i never opened my eyes again. it just felt like i kept on falling.
is it that easy to just let go? to just free yourself from this world. for the fifteen years that i have been alive, i know only one thing. this world will hurt you if you let it. so? i've been hurt. the world tears at my wound. its numb now. only a matter of time before it rips and hurts me more. maybe then, i will realise that i should give up.
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walking around school made me feel bad. why was it this way? i didn't know what to say. a failure. me. i had not gotten such results in three years. history's repeating itself again. where am i gonna go? i cant even do such a simple thing properly.
my world's been hectic. school, exams and music. i cant say that i enjoy school more than music, but its just i have to spend this time in a yellow and blue jail. set me free! mom thinks i'm being rebellious by getting such results. is it _my_ fault that you think this way? so what if i get such bad results? so what? its only the stuff that you want that you think i should get. how do i really feel? i don think you think about that. its only for you, isnt it? its not what i wanna do. its what _you_ want me to do.
i once vowed to not put negativity in here. but.. this time its too strong. this is _my_ blog. _my_ territory. i can and will put whatever i want in here. the rest is up to you to accept. damn i feel rebellious. | 